my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
