I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
