Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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