New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
