I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
