Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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