I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
