WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
