Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
