I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
