Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
