Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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