the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
