SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will be naked everywhere
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
