i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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