hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
