There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
