If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You took a bar mat shot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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