it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
