OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
