maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
