I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
