so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize