Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
