I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
