I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
