I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
