you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize