Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
