Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
