So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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