guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize