I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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