So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
