How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
