I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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