im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
