this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
