I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
