I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
