Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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