also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
