she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
