he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
