Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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