You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
