He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Randomize
