Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
