He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
