Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You are a genius and a whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
