I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
