did you get engaged???
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
