You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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