no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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