so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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