He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize