I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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