Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
