Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
