Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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