I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
