Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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