I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
